Interior Design

'Funny profession for a man' was the response from a neighbour, on hearing my mother’s proud announcement.

`Oh no, it really is a very technical profession', was her hushed response, reflecting tones of a confidential urgency. He turned. A suspicious narrow eyed appraisal followed, lingering over my newly henna'd hair moving slowly down to my Moroccan slipper shod feet. A seemingly endless silence followed   

An amicable conclusion was reached however, on hearing 'but of course, he would be delighted to design you a fish pond for your new patio'

My mothers enthusiastic affirmation to this newly laid challenge, resulted in the happy departure of a neighbour, a beaming parent, and my masculinity, for that moment, remaining secure.

Fast forward, with the hair in question a distant memory, slippers replaced by Prada, doubt and suspicion however still remain, as to the actual worthiness and function of such a profession.

'But what do you actually do?

'Oh it must be so wonderful to be so creative' 'Cushy number eh!' These are all typical responses when one's true Calling is identified.

Social occasions often see wives lunge forward, husbands hastily retreat to the nearest golfing coven, and occasionally a reverse scenario.

Within the profession of interior design, like all tribal cultures a hierarchy is evident, reflective of your chosen path or predilection. Examples can be somewhat exaggerated, of the `differing types' that you may stumble across in your foray into this strange and peculiar world.

For example: Fey slight figures, poised, scrutinizing paint chips & fabric swatches. Anguished expressions evident, whilst debating the impossible selection between 'cafe au lait' or `Sahara beige'. Hapless clients meanwhile cower, waiting with pens at the ready, to sign away their fortunes, necessary to secure the essential French commode or 'amusing' empire accent piece, deemed essential to 'anchor' the slowly developing masterpiece in question.

These `decorators', who can work out the construction of a curtain tassel at a hundred paces, recoil in horror at the antics of their philistine, more commercial counterparts, panting & sweaty palmed on hearing of the imminent arrival of the latest carpet tile selection. This macho, swaggering bunch however, wearing their indifference as to the subtlety of a `patina paint finish' with pride, feel somewhat in the shadow of their colleagues of a more cerebral persuasion.

These furrow browed designer creatures, tortured over the placement of a twisted metal seating installation within their monastic interior, shudder at the inevitability of having to allow something as mundane as a switched electrical socket, to compromise the 'integrity of line' within their perfectly orchestrated cube.

Personal experience gained whilst rising from the lowly ranks of 'design assistant', a role largely reflective of being blamed for every incorrect delivery, ranging from a wrongly upholstered library chair to a soy decaf latte, has been witness to testosterone charged studios, with conversation being largely centred on developing relationships with the temporary receptionist, sports, encompassing an endless option of selection, but rarely discussion as to the length of a bullion fringe or the correct rucking to the master bedroom Austrian blind.

The chosen paths of design lead in many circumstances, to an apartheid of selection or opportunity. Commercial will definitely not undertake residential, hospitality will possibly consider retail, retail will chase commercial but run from residential, and residential will consider most opportunities, but rarely have the chance to expand their horizons. Similar of course to many older professions, where money can turn a creative mind...

The etiquette of the design world can be a potential mine field of perceived slight, status, and recognition.

All professions are in many ways a closed world, full of `Masonic-like' rituals and yet with signs of involuntary recognition. So next time you see a perspiring figure, dragging a large portfolio or book matched mahogany wardrobe, do not be shy, give a friendly wave, a helping hand, or ideally the plans of your new condominium.

With an open brief, an open budget and of course a love of beige being obligatory...